Walking Away
As a culture we just love a good overcoming story.
Rising to victory above all odds, crawling from the wreckage of tragedy to the lofty heights of triumph, succeeding where others have failed, surviving Rodents Of Unusual Size while traversing the Fire Swamp…
We just eat that striving-to-victory stuff up!
Think about the stories highlighted during American network Olympic coverage: aside from far too many commercials, we’re treated to (or pummeled with, depending upon one’s point of view) a plethora of tales of athletes’ phoenix-like personal journeys…
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that these “up close and personal” stories are bad. Some of them are deeply touching and inspiring for sure.
Important disclosure: I turn on the Olympics to – wait for it – actually watch the events. Crazy, ain’t it?
But I digress…
We don’t hear about dedicated athletes who, for one very good reason or another, made the unimaginably difficult choice to walk away from their Olympic dreams to honor something of greater meaning than any medal could ever represent.
Culturally, we’re trained to be less curious about those who choose walking away over striving, overcoming and powering through…
Because we tend to conflate walking away with giving up – and that’s problematic if only due to the fact that there can be so many motivations for consciously, soberly saying “no” or “good-bye” to a circumstance – even when learning and/or the promise of a medal or becoming a hero is on the line.
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is a powerful cultural trope – and it has limits.
Sometimes the stuff that doesn’t kill now is a much more insidious toxin that slowly, steadily chips away at a life fully lived.
For instance, I have more than a few dear friends who, finding themselves in abusive relationships with charming, narcissistic partners, initially chose the slow poison of staying, rather than walking away to tend to their own well-being, needs and long-term best interests…
Eventually, they did walk away, each healthier for having done so.
And we’ve all heard – or lived – stories of folks staying in dead-end jobs or lifeless (or worse) relationships for the sake of the paycheck, the children, the benefits, the status…
More often than not, the choice to stay is attached to a promise of “if…, then…”
“If I stay in this marriage until the kids are older, then they’ll understand and I can leave…”
“If I grind it out for just seven more years, I’ll be fully vested – then I can do the work I really enjoy…”
“If I can show this manipulative idiot of a boss how good I really am, then I’ll get the recognition and compensation I deserve…”
“If I struggle longer and harder, then I’ll prove I’m enough – then I’ll get my rightful reward…”
By the way, if any of the examples above apply to you, I’m not suggesting that you walk away or otherwise act immediately…
That’s not my decision to make.
I am, however, strongly suggesting that when you catch a glimpse of the slippery promises of “if…, then…”, you look carefully, clearly and honestly at your motivations, paying special attention to the slow, life-diminishing poisons of following “if…, then…” reasoning.
Look at the ways in which walking away – even if doing so flies in the face of what you’ve been taught about toughing it out, climbing on through adversity, vanquishing enemies or otherwise overcoming obstacles (even with the promise of a pony or a podium) – might be the most satisfying, life-giving decision you’ve ever made…
Because sometimes consciously saying “no, not that” and walking away quietly is the most heroic thing one can do…
And as for the dramatic tension required for good television? That stuff can be just plain exhausting…